Monday, April 19, 2010
God saw the need and the answer came quickly. I am so thrilled today as two beautiful ladies answered the need to help with mom.
They are going to share the weekends between each other. Mom just needs someone there at night. She does fine during the day.
Still able to drive she goes to get her hair done, shops in town, or comes to her grand daughters for a visit. I'm still trying to get her into the Senior Group in town, they play rook, have lunch and plan
bus trips, even cruises. If she once gets there I'm sure she would love it. I just can't be her only access any more, if I'm to take care of her when she really needs me I have to get my health back in shape.
It's very hard to realize that the job you have taken on is taking so much more then you have to give. She is so healthy, but sees her self as sick. My cup is full and hers is empty. I see all the needs as her life has changed so since daddy died. You see he was the life of the party, loved people, and was always ready for company or going out. Mom misses that. Even though when he was alive she complained about it!! She always went and had a good time. Now she just can't seem to do anything, her husband of 60 years is gone. Her friends are getting older too and some are gone. I know it is so hard on her, if she would just once get started out the door I know she would be fine, her health right now is great!!!
All she seems to want is me, all the time, no other family around. Me home before dark and no enter action with anyone else. Once the grand kids come she 's fine for awhile then it's." take them home and return soon ,they are to hard on you!" I realize her needs and have tried so hard to meet them. It's been two years now and it has taken a tole on me. I have to get a break!
God has meet the need quickly for that I'm so grateful. He is only a pray away and He is helping me with the guilt I feel for having to get some time away. I know that this answer to pray will be good for both of us!!! If any of you are in the same position. Search for the help you need and don't be afraid to take it!!! It's a big job! Don't feel guilty! Love with your whole heart but remember to take care of you too. I almost waited to long!! My health took a nose dive and I just kept saying, " she's my mom I can do this."
We again are taking a new journey here and getting help for us both and with God we will both be fine!!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
I looked out today as I drank my morning coffee, and realized spring was fast coming! The trees were getting there leaves, the birds were flying from tree to tree, and squirrels were running through the bushes again awake from their winter slumber. How amazing to watch and see first hand the majesty of God. What peace I felt as I looked at the forest and thought of each tiny living thing that was coming out to see what spring had brought them.
Scampering around each knowing what they need. God thought of everything! The leaves falling in Autumn, drying and enriching the land with new nutrients. The trees dropping their seeds to bring more trees. It is all so amazing. I sat in my chair and took a ride around to see if we had any buds on the Iris. The leaves were dark green and reaching for the sky. I can hardly wait to see the rich lavender and dark purple velvet of these beautiful flowers.
There was a nice breeze and the sun was shining. Soon the quiet became laughter as the children had found Mimi. Dalton says, What ya doin'?" Mimi, " I'll love you forever." Me too says HunteRose." I'll love you forever." These tiny little gifts from God will brighten anyone's day!
A lady once asked me how I got them to say that. You see it doesn't matter where we are, they stop what they're doing to always take that moment to say, I'll love you forever. Whether it's to me, Papa, mom ,dad, anyone they are close to. I smiled at her and said," I guess they get it from us, you see we say it to them. " Yes everyday we say we love you. Phone conversation always end with I love you. Amazingly the forever came from Dalton first and picked up by the rest of us!!!
My daughter brings me another cup of coffee and says, "It's okay mom we will work things out!" Off she goes with her busy schedule.The phone rings later and it was my son. He new I sounded awfully quiet and after a few tears and talking, He says mom, "God's there and there is enough love in that house to work it all out!!"
I had such a troubled heart last night. Reaching up to say, " God, I'm so overwhelmed with the needs of family right now." I've cried, and worried sooo. It was such a rough night! Yes, we of great faith have those nights!! We want soo much to make things right and do what's best for everyone. We are human after all!!! The great thing for me is as I began my day God lifted my spirits with His majesty as only He can!! Will I cry again, sure, will I worry, of course, I'm only human!!! I drank my coffee saying God help me and he did, with nature and the voices of children and grand children!! So if your down and troubled take time to open you heart to the KING OF KINGS! He is always a prayer away!
Monday, April 12, 2010
I thought today I'd start by introducing you to the ball players.
This is Maegan, blond, thin, extra long legs, and in 3rd grade. She has finally found somethings that interest her. Ball, basketball, horses, and reading the dictionary when bored!!! She had a battle for awhile being the smart girl in class!! Now with the help of the over achievers after school and her ball games she's beginning to see that smart is cool!!!! Thank you God!!!! That was several months of heart ache as she would struggle with being the smartest in class!!! Now she has found others that are even smarter then her!! So she has crossed that bridge for now moving ahead in her little life.
The next player, I had just meet. He was Nathan, in kindergarten and loves the game!!! Yes, as you can see in the picture he is a lefty!!! Trying to get him to stop at first base was one of the hardest things of the day!!! Once he started running he was heading for home!! Little legs running as fast as they could!!! In the outfield Nathan was great at getting the balls. The pitcher would say, "throw it here!" No way, he was determined to run and tag that runner!!!
Here we have the youngest, HunteRose, she is three and determined that these big kids have nothin' on her. She patiently waited in the outfield for a ball, then not getting much action she moves closer to third base.
Wow there is a line drive to third!! She stands firm to catch it and it bounces from the ground and hits her smack between the eyes. Oh my the crocodile tears and it was time for a mommy time out. Then it was okay now I'll bat!!!! What a player!!! She hit the ball off the T and ran to first. On her way to second she remembered she was to touch the base and returned to first and headed for second again!!! Yes little Nathan was there to tag her!!! Oh how the excitement was growing!!!
Dalton steps up the the plate ready to send that ball sailing. He is one of our preschooler's and turned five in January. He is new to the game and has left his computer as he enjoys being outside as much as in. He has taken it upon himself to work with his little sister, HunteRose on the computer. He enjoyed the game for awhile, but soon discovered an interesting barrel ! Convincing his sister to come and investigate they soon entertained us and took us away for moments from the game. He may have lost interest when he slide into home and scratched his fore arm and oh did it bleed. That of course was another mommy time out. Bandaid in place and he was good to go!!! Played for while then came the barrel.
Dalton being in the barrel was trying to get HunteRose to push him down the hill!! Suddenly you here mom say, "no way!" Mimi knows when mommies not out here someday they'll take turns
going down the hill and together pushing it back up for another ride!!! For now they will ride it as a horse. Silly mommy we can go down the hill, don't be scared!!!
This Little guy I must say was the highlight of the day. Jaden is four and in preschool. He has watched his older brothers play ball and has been helping them practice. He would wiggle his hips, set his feet right, put his hand in the air to let the pitcher know he wasn't ready, then nod when he was ready!!! We would get so tickled as he did it every time!!! Oh yes, forgot to mention he was a switch hitter too!! When the ball was pitched he would swing with his left hand, but when the T was in place he would swing with his right!! Now this little one is always ready to play ball!!!!
Oh what fun to watch these young ones learn the game!!! They are ready for their league practices and can't wait till next Saturday for a return play here at the farm!!! Me tooo I had sooo much fun being the cheer leader and photographer.
Daddy made the burgers and hot dogs. He and Nanie Birdie were going back and forth watching the Masters Golf on TV and the big game outside!!! Gatorade was the drink of choice, the boys liked red and the girls preferred blue. As for me it was diet Dr. Pepper and oh yes that blackened hot dog!!! Yummy!!!
The kids were so surprised that Nanie Birdie new a lot about ball, did you know she played ball!!!
Well that was my day, and what a day it was!!!! Thank you God for a much needed, perfect day!!!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Got up this morning, drank a few cups of coffee said good bye to mom and came to watch the grand kids for the day. What's this! Samantha thought I needed a day to myself. So off she goes to town with the kids and here I sit in a quiet house.
What do I do with quiet! I love the noises the kids make as they run through the house. Their laughter always fills my heart with joy. Watching them as they grow and their personality's develop each unique in there own way. Yes they have their fights and Mimi has to wheel over and stop their conflicts. Some times the words stop it now, work and sometimes I have to count!!!
This makes me laugh inside. I've never had to say three they always move on two. What consequence do they think they would face if I hit three. I've always said," you don't want to hear three!!! " I can only imagine the thought of three in the minds of each one!!!
I think it is amazing that you have two, three, or more children raise them the same, and they are all different from the beginning! You love them, nurture them, raise them do the best you can. They take what you give from the beginning and are their own person!!! Different each one!
When my children and grand children were born I place them all in God's hands from the time I new they were coming. This wonderful gift from God, a baby to nurture and love! A family growing, our legacy that we were here. Oh how I want it to be a legacy of a God filled life with love, caring , understanding, kindness, and more!
I think am I giving each one the support and love they need to face all of life's journey. It's filled with good times and bad. We all learn from mistakes, from watching the lives of others, from our parents and how they raised us and we all want to do the best we can for each.
I know I've told them I love them each day, I've given them each a listening ear. I raised my voice yesterday and HunteRose says, " Mimi you're to loud." Yes the pressures of my day had made me louder then usual. Dalton, will be outside playing and suddenly run up to the porch to say, " Mimi, I love you forever." Maegan the oldest, is oh so smart and needs time to herself more these days the age difference between them tends to make us expect more of her sometimes. So all of these things race through my mind on this quiet day!!!
Oh how I miss those little miracles of life that God has sent my way. What will I do with me today!! I'll enjoy the quiet, call some friends, and anxiously await the car door and those angelic voices running to tell Mimi of their day!!!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Today was a storm filled day. I had to make a decision and explain that decision to someone I cherish, my mother. I searched for a picture to put on my page and found this one. It filled my heart with peace and my eyes with tears.
You see in this picture I see the storm, but I also see the majesty of God's outpouring and unconditional love. The storm I'm going through looks small as it goes up to the Heavens! The outpouring from God is soooo much more then the storm in my heart as I pray for God's strength and peace of mind. To me this photo was what I needed as I wrote from my heart today.
You see, I love my mother dearly, she is 85 and in great health. I moved her here with me two years ago to become her caretaker. All was beginning to mellow with the move for both of us. Then I fell and my world began to spiral down. I have a lot of health problems but God has always filled my cup and I have moved through life with His strength and joy in my heart.
I am now is an electric chair most of the time. My weight keeps going up, my medical condition growing and the testiness between my mother and I was soaring. I can not be the care giver as I need one myself.
Cup of coffee in my hand I began to talk to mom. I expressed that I understood the minds of both of us. She wonders who will take care of her and as much as she wants she can't take care of me. My mind is seeing I need to be with my daughter, her as my caretaker, and my mind is filled with terror as I think no, I need to take care of my mom. I explained that the living situation was killing us both., there has to be a change. As much as my mind and heart wants to take care of her I can't.
Heather, a friend of mine commented today on Face book saying," that she was having to rely heavily on her charming personality as her physical attributes were quickly fading....." Oh how that hit home as this aging, sickly body wants to do, oh so much more. We have pretty much decided to find adult living close for mom. We will do much more for each other in that type of situation as our minds will both be able to rest!
In one of my writing's I mentioned the earthly journey not being an easy one!! think about this journey as others have walked the earth. Early Christian's, were feed to the lions and thrown into the fire, disciples were crucified , as Peter was and as our Lord Jesus Christ. Oh my suffering seems sooo miner in looking back!
I've told told mom she has to live each day without the anxiety of tomorrow. Give God the future, trust in Him, He knows our hearts and the love we have for each other. He has been trying to show us this isn't working. You see one moment in our lives can cause change. then that change can spiral to more change. The only thing that never changes in the love of God!!
So we will get through the changes ahead. As you see in the picture I found, God's outpouring of strength, love, power, ...... is so much more then any storm we pray His way!!!!
Thanks for listening to yet another day!
Always faithful, and trusting God and knowing He is only a prayer away!!!!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
I'm so glad that our God is bigger then we can imagine!!!! People tend to put Him in a box! He isn't petty about little things, spanking us for putting our hands in the cookie jar, or standing by to smack us for something we or others have done! He is there to love and lift us high!!! He speaks to each one of us, individually as to what we as a person can or can not do!! He doesn't Lord over us with a blanket of bondage!!! He has freed us from bondage!!! He alone speaks to us in His still small voice and guides us in our every day life. We all have different short comings, He is aware of them all!!!! That little voice says, what we do has consequences, reactions, and more.....You may think why can she do that as a Christian and I can't??? Well look at it as the whole picture. You may not be strong enough in your faith and life to do something! While another it doesn't affect their lives and allow us to falter. An example of what I'm trying to say is a verse in Corinthians, " God made everything but everything is not beneficial to all men!!! The other is," Am I my brothers keeper..." to me in some ways yes. For instance, if I can have one drink and stop at that and I'm with a friend that can't, and will drink way to much... then to me I will not have the drink!!!! My friend is more important to me then the drink. Now that's not to say that I am right. That is just how God has presented His word to me!! We have soooo many religions in the world today? Did you ever wonder how they all came about?? The humanity of man is in all of us, are religions brought about by the input of man. Men have read the scriptures, then they have made a church with laws as they have interpreted the word of God. Again the word is God's the interpretation is of man. Today I've just given you some words for thought. I read my scriptures and read of the 10 commandments, the laws and follow them. I read that we only have to have faith and believe that He is Lord!!! The word says love as Christ loved. Don't judge, be critical, tell people how to serve God..., let God take care of the big stuff!!!! I'm glad He has that responsibility! I'm happy to love. If you ask I'll share my opinions and I'm always here with a prayer. That's not to say I'll argue and try to make you change your mind on what you believe. That I won't do! My faith is strong and that's just what it is my faith, how God has spoken to me. When He speaks to you, my prayer is that you will be open enough to hear His words. As for me In Christ I will be your friend! Even if I may disagree with you! That's okay! We all are a work in progress and whose to say you may change my mind on some things through my being open to Christ as I grow daily in Him! Step back and look at your faith today from where it was yesterday!!!! Change....... life is change..... go with God and live life to it's fullest!!!! My prayers today are for all of you and your loved ones to be filled with joy, happiness, and a truly beautiful life!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Blogging is something new to me so bare with me and we will travel this road together!
I have lived a life with Christ as my Savior, always endeavoring to walk the roads of this earthly journey as he would have me walk.
As we all know this journey is one of smiles, tears, laughter, and much more. No matter how hard I try the humanity within me someday's rises to the surface. I get angry, worry, say things I don't mean, yes fall short. It is amazing to me that God sent His Son to travel this road along time ago. So Jesus knows all that we deal with and understands our short comings. So if like me you falter some days, don't think you have to give up trying to live that Christ filled life. Grab hold of your faith once again, pick yourself up and continue with His light shining again boldly!!!
It's not an easy life, being a Christian. Those that chose not to believe are always saying, " I thought your God would keep you from this pain," or" where is your God now?" Remember long ago we were thrown into the lions, and into the fire!!! Our faith is always tested. He doesn't promise an easy life, but He does promise to be with us always. Giving us the strength we don't have to carry on! The reward being an eternal life with Him, and yes look at the foot steps as He carries us through the hard times!!
Sometimes the answer we get from God is not the one we want, but He does know best and with Him we can move forward trusting in Him always. No matter how dark our life seems at the moment we can always see the light shining in the distance.
My first blog is meant to show you where I start and finish always with God. So come read along and I'll share with you some good times and yes some bad times, but always a strong faith, never wavering but believing. I have many family and friends that don't believe. They are still my friends and I will always show them love. The love that Christ showed as He traveled here long ago. Never one to argue with them on there choice of what they believe. That's not for me to judge! I'm here to love and befriend all. No matter their beliefs, life styles, the way they look or don't look, it doesn't matter. It is not our place to judge. That's not to say I won't talk to you of my faith, any time I'm glad to share or pray with you, but never argue and tell you I'm right and you are wrong. My faith is strong and I'll share lovingly with anyone. Never judging but always a friend when you need one.
We all come from many walks of life, many different cultures, and ways of living. The Bible is a book that has traveled the ends of time. To me each verse speaks to us individually. What God wants you to do in serving Him. We do not march around like robots serving God!! We are all different, and that's okay with Him.
I guess that's me in a nut shell! I'll write again so come and share!