Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Storms of Life
Today was a storm filled day. I had to make a decision and explain that decision to someone I cherish, my mother. I searched for a picture to put on my page and found this one. It filled my heart with peace and my eyes with tears.
You see in this picture I see the storm, but I also see the majesty of God's outpouring and unconditional love. The storm I'm going through looks small as it goes up to the Heavens! The outpouring from God is soooo much more then the storm in my heart as I pray for God's strength and peace of mind. To me this photo was what I needed as I wrote from my heart today.
You see, I love my mother dearly, she is 85 and in great health. I moved her here with me two years ago to become her caretaker. All was beginning to mellow with the move for both of us. Then I fell and my world began to spiral down. I have a lot of health problems but God has always filled my cup and I have moved through life with His strength and joy in my heart.
I am now is an electric chair most of the time. My weight keeps going up, my medical condition growing and the testiness between my mother and I was soaring. I can not be the care giver as I need one myself.
Cup of coffee in my hand I began to talk to mom. I expressed that I understood the minds of both of us. She wonders who will take care of her and as much as she wants she can't take care of me. My mind is seeing I need to be with my daughter, her as my caretaker, and my mind is filled with terror as I think no, I need to take care of my mom. I explained that the living situation was killing us both., there has to be a change. As much as my mind and heart wants to take care of her I can't.
Heather, a friend of mine commented today on Face book saying," that she was having to rely heavily on her charming personality as her physical attributes were quickly fading....." Oh how that hit home as this aging, sickly body wants to do, oh so much more. We have pretty much decided to find adult living close for mom. We will do much more for each other in that type of situation as our minds will both be able to rest!
In one of my writing's I mentioned the earthly journey not being an easy one!! think about this journey as others have walked the earth. Early Christian's, were feed to the lions and thrown into the fire, disciples were crucified , as Peter was and as our Lord Jesus Christ. Oh my suffering seems sooo miner in looking back!
I've told told mom she has to live each day without the anxiety of tomorrow. Give God the future, trust in Him, He knows our hearts and the love we have for each other. He has been trying to show us this isn't working. You see one moment in our lives can cause change. then that change can spiral to more change. The only thing that never changes in the love of God!!
So we will get through the changes ahead. As you see in the picture I found, God's outpouring of strength, love, power, ...... is so much more then any storm we pray His way!!!!
Thanks for listening to yet another day!
Always faithful, and trusting God and knowing He is only a prayer away!!!!!